Mingguan Wanita 10-16 Jun 2011

The Bigger Plan

Muhammad, for the last couple of months we have been working together for the bigger plan.  Despite no human can tell if we’re going to see immediate success; we will Insya Allah persevere, continue to make doa and not losing hopes.  Indeed, it is a roller coaster ride when doctors have already discouraged Ayah that your condition can only get worse and advised us to focus on being prepared to lose you instead.

Like you, Ayah appreciates Doctors’ professional advice.  But Muhammad, the journey doesn’t stop in this world, it’s a journey that bridges us to the hereafter.  It is what we carry with us when we see Him that matter most, so, we shall continue until Allah decides otherwise.

With Ummi, Ayah has done all that we can.  Our heartiest apologies to you if we could have done it better.

In the next many days you will be going through Stem Cell transplantation right into your brain, in a foreign country with not many people understand our language.  For over a month, Ummi will have to be left at home taking care of your new sibling in her upcoming 3rd trimester of pregnancy.  We should feel really sorry to Ummi having to leave her thousands of miles apart and may Allah be with her and us.

Muhammad, a month ago on 6th Jan, Ayah wrote about you.  A month ago, Ayah wasn’t sure and Ummi wasn’t sure either, that you could now be at home.  Aren’t you grateful?  Alhamdulillah, I’m grateful that Allah has blessed us that you are now home and today it’s been two weeks you’re at home…with Ayah and Ummi, enjoying the morning sun.

Ayah knows and we should realise that the journey is still long and the path is still unknown.  You’re home…with your new toy, not a kangaroo toy but Kangaroo ePump…a pump to feed you.


Your kangaroo has a bag indeed.. :-)  – your feeding bag.

Muhammad, may the journey gets even easier for our bigger plan, InsyaAllah.

Ada kawan Ayah tanya, “Muhammad sakit apa?”

Susah ayah nak jawab…waktu usia sekitar setahun, Muhammad nampak sihat waktu tidur di sofa lepas kita celebrate Birthday Ayah yang ke-31.  Kalau pun ada jawapannya…. mungkin agak panjang, sama panjangnya perjalanan Muhammad dari satu hospital ke hospital yang lain, dari satu jabatan hospital ke jabatan yang lain, dari satu doktor ke doktor yang lain, dari ustaz ke ustazah, dari accupuncture Cina ke terapi Jepun sehingga menjadi bahan ujian teknologi perubatan Hyperbaric Oxygen dan Stem Cell hingga kini bergelar OKU yang cacat pengilihatan (cortical blindness/buta), terencat akal, tidak mampu duduk, berdiri dan berjalan…dan yang terbaru sudah tidak mampu menelan dan makan melalu mulut.

Muhammad pun tahu, Muhammad lahir dalam keadaan normal (cukup bulan dan bukan C-section) oleh Ummi yang Alhamdulillah sihat sepanjang kehamilan.  Taqdir Allah, Muhammad tak mahu minum dan tidur sahaja pada saat usia Muhammad baru 2 hari.  Atas nasihat doktor, ayah kejarkan Muhammad ke hospital Kampung Baru yang cuma 15 minit dari rumah kita yang ketika itu di Ampang.  Muhammad, di sinilah mulanya SATU PERJALAN….

Masih jelas lagi Muhammad.  Di lebuhraya bertingkat Ampang, di depan mata Ayah yang memandu, Muhammad masih merah diriba Ummi yang masih lemah, ketika Ayah menaiki lebuhraya, Muhammad bertukar kuning waktu kita melintasi Hospital Ampang Puteri, dan seterusnya menjadi biru sewaktu Ayah turun dari lebuhraya dan akhirnya berlaku pendarahan hidung, mulut dan telinga ketika kita masuk ke Jabatan Kecemasan Hospital Kampung Baru.

Waktu tu, ayah tanya solan yang sama pada doktor “sakit apa?”  Doktor bagi tahu “sepsis”.  Sekarang ayah dah tahu sepsis adalah jangkitan kuman dan bagi Muhammad ia adalah jangkitan dalam darah sehingga Muhammad dapat hypoglycemia yang telah merendahkan tahap gula Muhammad sehingga berlaku serangan terus pada otak.  Hari pertama di ICU Hospital Kampung Baru, Muhammad dapat sawan sehingga terpaksa dilumpuhkan dengan anaesthetic.

Ya Muhammad, di situlah permulaannya.  Di situlah permulaan satu perjalanan.  

Jika ada yang bertanya kenapa “muhammadhaziq.wordpress.com”?  Jawapan ayah cuma sekiranya apa yang kita lakukan dalam PERJALANAN ini, rawatan yang pelbagai yang Muhammad tempuhi dan sekiranya semua ini boleh menjadi iktibar, panduan dan rujukan ibu bapa lain seperti Ayah dan Ummi atau sebagai sumbangan Muhammad kepada kawan-kawan senasib Muhammad, minta Allah terima ini sebagai ibadah kita.  Sama seperti Ayah mengharap Allah terima amal ibadah Ayah yang sangat-sangat sedikit dalam menjaga Muhammad – anak istimewa.  Insya Allah, anak Syurga. 

We planned and decided that you had to have gastrostomy tube instead of nasogastric tube. You had that surgically inserted into your stomach. So, in July 2009, you and I, we were both in the Operating Theatre with Ummi waiting with tears and doa to Allah.

Muhammad, since then you’ve stopped eating through mouth and has been quite stable until we decided, for the first time, leave you for 6-weeks trip to Makkah for Hajj.

In Makkah, on wukuf day like many other days in Makkah, Ayah and Ummi shed tears to seek Allah’s mercy that you’ll recover for we just want to see you to be independent so that if we were to leave this world, we will Insya Allah leave you not being a subject of people’s sympathy.

Muhammad, just a day before we returned, as Ayah and Ummi was packing our luggages, including that new jubah for you, Bibik Aiza called with the news of your sudden Aspiration Pneumonia episode. You turned blue, had severely hard breathing and was immediately admited to Intensive Care Unit.

Ayah thought, with the completion of Hajj, life mission is about to complete. But, with your curent condition, I’m not entirely sure if we are indeed going through a real journey towards your recovery or otherwise.   I think as if the real journey has only begun, is going to be more challenging; but surely Muhammad if we persevere, Allah will be with us.  With Allah’s mercy, I remain optimistic. Will you?

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Now I’m back to blogging…for him and for Him.

At an hour where he has already slept perhaps coloured with dreams with the angels of Him.

Muhammad, Ayah bingung sebenarnya.

During your regular appointment at Hospital Tunku Ampuan Rahimmah Klang, Ayah told Dr Sangita that we shall wait for another two months before I decide if you really need that nasogastric tube.   It was 22nd Jan back then.

Today, the day muhammadhaziq.wordpress is brought to life, we are  less than 3 weeks away before the alarm rings.  The last two days, your condition put Ayah and Ummi to tears and further concern.  Your breathing is short and athmatic.  At a time where concern about the risk of Aspiration Pnuemonia is overwhelming, the condition you are  going through now is further disheartening.

Ayah redha – this is really the journey I’m going through…with Ummi and you, Ya Bunayya Muhammad.